i know its 2.30am right now but i really have to get these things off my chest

1. im really sorry for daoing you so much these few days on msn but i've been feeling really tired. physically and mentally. you said that humans need to talk or they'll die. but somehow i just cant be bothered to respond or to start a topic with anyone. i'll prob talk more to you during church camp or smth yeah.

2. how long later will you take off that mask of yours? is it very fun hiding behind it? yknow, im feeling really tired being your friend. at first i thought you were being really nice but then i slowly realised that you are not trustworthy at all. all the times when you dao people, you always make up the excuse that you are very tired, but in actual fact, you just dont want to talk to them cos you dislike them. why do you have to pretend to like the people you dislike, cant you just be truthful to your own feelings.

3. would you just stop being so childish and start growing up? seriously, whatsup with creating so much politics in our class. is that what you enjoy doing? making enemies everywhere and then being friends with them, only to hate them again after a while. cant you just accept people for who they are and stop creating so much trouble?! its only been half a year, and the moment i come back, everything seems so different. you cant expect everyone to be like you. not everyone has such a strong passion like you and everyone has their own commitments. so please, stop all these childish acts of yours. i hate the fact that i have to be involved in all these politics when im not even the one who caused it.

4. i know that once you have planned a date for the reunion, you will start convincing me to go for it. i dont know if you read my blog, but if you do, im telling you now that im not going. attending gatherings and catching up used to be a very important thing to me. but right now, its not important anymore. so what even if i attend those gatherings, i'd just be stoning at the side. there's no common topic anymore, even between you and i. do you know how hard it is for me to think of a topic just to keep the conversation between us going. i really dont want to waste anymore time going for gatherings which im just going to stone in.

5. i really dont understand you anymore. i thought i could pretend that nothing happened but no, thats not the case. ever since the trip, i realised that all along, it was me telling you stuff but never the other way round. the things that you did to me, its making me lose my trust in you and i really dont know what else i can talk to you about.


im tired of people stepping into my life and then walking out of it, leaving behind a huge mess for me to clear. i dont want to only have past memories of the things that have happened. sometimes, reminiscing can be really fun. but sometimes, it can be really depressing. all the friends that i've made, somehow i'd lose them after a while. all the fun times that i've had with certain people, it seems like it can never happen ever again. sometimes i just wish that time would pass slower so i can cherish every single moment that i spend with people. or maybe someone could take a video of my whole life and compile it nicely so i can always replay back the fun parts over and over again. yknow, its really painful having really good times with someone for a few days cos of certain reasons, and then you realise that you'll probably never ever talk to that person again cos there'll be nothing else to talk about. all that im left with is recalling the fun moments at weird timings and getting stares from people on the bus cos of the sudden smile on my face. despite the happy memories, knowing that these times will never happen again is something that im going to regret a lot.

okay well, i was back yesterday. just too lazy to blog.
so, just a brief run through of the whole trip

Day 1 - 131109
met at the airport at 5.45am, checked in then went for breakfast. took the 8.20am plane flight down to cambodia. reached phnom pehn about 9.20am local time [time zone diff of 1h, so the plane flight was 2h] headed down to our hotel to put on luggage, went for lunch, and then to the t-house to take a look. played a lot with the kids and was so tired that many of us slept during the bus ride to dinner. dinner was fine. headed back to the hotel for reflections then we went back to our rooms to washup and jean came over to play cards then we went to sleep.

Day 2 - 141109
woke up about 7 for breakfast and then we went back to the t-house for 1 full day's of work. 1 group was in charge of painting the gates + doors. while the other group of us was in charge of the murals. 4 big walls which needed white-washing [which we used yellow paint instead], drawing of the picture, painting, outlining and touch-up. white-washing was really fun but tiring. claudia, jean, en and i ended up spending 45min in the tuktuk to escape from the paint smell and stuffiness. afterwards we went for lunch and came back to continue our work. mr ong made me draw the 2nd mural, which turned out quite nice with jean and en's help :D then we slacked a bit and started painting. ended about 5+ and we headed off for dinner. post-dinner was once again reflections in the hotel plus games at night with claudia and jean. oh, and they slept in my room that night. so en and i were on one bed, and jean and claudia was on the other. haha.

Day 3 - 151109
woke up 7+ once again and we headed off for a cambodian church service. the worship was really cool. the normal worship songs we sing in english can be sung in cambodian too with the same tune(: then was the sermon on fear, which we had a translator to translate for us. after the church service we went down to the genocide museum which was scary. then we went to this village workshop thing which sells really cool handmade stuff. lunch was next then we headed down to 1 of the killing fields in cambodia. pictures on facebook. after the killing field was the russian market in phnom pehn. it was super hot in there i had so many mosquito bites. afterwards we went for dinner.

Day 4 - 161109
last day spent at lakeside t-house. had lots of fun with the kids. games after games. miss them sooo much ):

Day 5 - 171109
had to wake up super early cos we had a 6 hour ride down to siem reap. slept a lot during these 6 hours. reached siem reap and we went to the hotel which was so much better than the first hotel's. afterwards we went for lunch and we went to the lucky supermarket to buy stuff. then we went back to the hotel to slack and headed out for dinner afterwards. after dinner was shopping at the night market. was with jean and claudia and we bought so much stuff. claudia was so good at bargaining, we didn't spend much money(; headed back to the hotel for reflections and at the end of it, there was a birthday surprise for me which i totally didnt expect. thanks so much! they bought a super nice black forest cake made in cambodia. i wanna eat it again! and thanks to those who wished me on facebook/ sms-ed me. sorry to those who smsed me. i could only receive the message when i went back to sg cos my phone doesnt have roaming.

Day 6 - 181109
went down to angkor wat, bayon and some other temple which i cant rmb. spent USD $20 on visiting these temples but i guess its worth it. after visiting the temples we went to this other market but i was so tired i just stayed on the bus. then we headed back to the lucky supermarket place and bought ice cream. super nice. mrs tan treated us to 1 cone, and i bought 1 more cone on my own :b after that we headed back to the hotel to slack more then went out for buffet dinner at this place which i cant rmb. heh after dinner was back to the hotel for our last day of reflection + postcard writing + more inside jokes.

Day 7 - 191109
woke up slightly later, skipped breakfast and went to the airport at siem reap. took a 45min plane ride down to phnom pehn for transit. then reached back singapore about 4.20pm. cousing and aunt came to fetch me. slept the whole ride back home and then again on my bed till about 10pm.


okay, im not gonna type any reflection here cos its rather personal. but yeah, this trip was really enriching and i wanna go back to cambodia to see the kids!

i am in cambodia right now. and this awesome hotel has free internet access. too bad the people i wanna talk to aren't online. sighs. ohwells. cambodia has been fine. we're 1 hour behind time so its only 9pm now. and we're supposed to be in our rooms by 9.30 which is really early cos i always sleep past midnight sg time. haha. yesterday went down to the centre to play games. and today we did painting. white wash + drawing + painting. super tiring but it was fun too. all the paint dripping all over. heh. oh and the food has been good too(:

going down to the genocide museum + killing field tml. i hope it won't be too bad.

okay the people i wanna talk to are online so i shall stop here(: